When the child's enemy lives in his own home

When the child's enemy lives in his own home

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One only has to look at the headlines of the latest news to realize that we are living a time of great family violence. The father who murders the mother, complaints of aggression from children to parents, the mother who mistreats her children ... pufff ..., I don't want to make your day bitter, but I think that, as parents, we cannot cover our eyes , the ears, and swallow such unbridled violence, without making a deeper reflection on how we are educating our children.

Every day I am more convinced by the news I read that violence resides more at home than outside of it. Moreover, we forget that the man or woman who today steals, murders, who comes to sexually abuse or mistreat their children, was once a boy or a girl. It is not my intention to justify their mistakes today, but what I mean is that we cannot ignore the fact that what they do today is, in many cases, the result and reflection of the education they received in their childhood.

The psychologist R. Loeber says that there are three patterns that can predict some aggressive and violent behaviors in children, and that in adolescence and adulthood they tend to worsen and intensify:

1- Pattern of conflict with authority. Refers to challenging and disobedient behaviors that occur in childhood. The child who does not respect and does not pay attention to what his parents say, who does not have a family that demands commitments or responsibilities. The child who does not have good examples at home.

2- Hidden pattern. It refers to children who lie, without mercy, who commit petty theft in childhood. It is accentuated by committing moderate crimes such as doing minimal damage to private property or minor robberies to classmates or shops. These criminal behaviors can grow until the individual becomes a thief.

3- Explicit pattern. It occurs in childhood in forms of clear aggression, such as physical, verbal or emotional abuse of more defenseless and weak children. It's like bullying, but inside the house. These situations can lead the child to pathological behaviors of violence, which can even go as far as suicide or homicide.

Loeber says that it is important for parents to be aware of whether or not these patterns occur in their children and if they have been noticed not to minimize them and remain unconcerned, on the contrary to attend to them by putting the correctors on time based on the model of the affective family- structure, since omissions and negligence in childhood have unfortunately translated into more cruelty, violence and delinquency in adolescence and adulthood.

And I ask myself: Are we aware of the education we are giving our children? Do we educate them with our example defending their most basic rights? What can we and what we should not do today so that our children are happy and that they can grow up to be good people, good fathers or mothers? There are so many reflections that these issues awaken me ...

Vilma Medina. Director of our site

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